


Corrective measures II - It's Alex'turn

by romansilence



Category: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Genre: BDSM, Bulimia, Caning, Eating Disorders, F/F, Mind Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:09:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2389436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romansilence/pseuds/romansilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This time Alex breaks their rules and it's her turn to be punished by Olivia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corrective measures II - It's Alex'turn

1\. Busted

Olivia made a detour to Alex’ favorite deli and picked up a Cesar’s salad for her beloved and a BLT sandwich for herself. The door to Alex’ office was open and the blonde didn’t hear her. Olivia frowned when she found Alex chewing gum and its strong peppermint scent reached her nose.

That meant only one thing: Alex had eaten something sugary and high in the calorie range and had then gone to the lavatory to throw it up again. Since her teenage years Alex lived in constant (and given her active lifestyle completely unreasonable) fear of becoming fat and though her self-image had improved in the time they were living together, there still was the occasional more or less violent relapse. Rationally Alex knew that her tendency to bulimia was only harming her; so she had readily agreed to let Olivia control her eating habits. It was part of their basic rules.

Their rather long and irregular work hours made it difficult to maintain a healthy and regular diet but Olivia still tried her best to make sure that Alex had at least one well balanced meal a day and she took special delight in feeding her desserts she did not feel the need to throw up again.

Olivia quietly closed the door and the blinds at the glass panels looking out at the rest of the big room. Alex quickly wrapped the gum in a piece of paper and threw it in her waste bin and tried to look innocent, but she knew that she was busted.

“I’m sorry, Liv,” she said without looking her partner in the eyes.

“Come over to the couch and tell me, my Lexi. Tell me what happened?”

“I’d rather not. My office chair is just as comfortable to put you over my knees,” Alex said but still refused to look up.

“Your behavior tells me that my punishment can wait. I do not intent to run. This is more important. Please, baby-girl, tell me. You hurt yourself today and it’s my job to keep you safe. Or do I have to go out there and ask your assistant if today was the first time that you had a prolonged meeting with the porcelain goddess? Please, sweetie!. ”

Alex took a deep breath to calm herself. She slowly stood up and walked over to the couch. She began to sit down next to Olivia and then changed her mind. She sank on her knees at her beloved’s side and looked at Olivia’s boots. Olivia caressed Alex’s neck with the back of her index and middle finger and Alex pressed into the touch as if starving for physical contact.

“Tell me, baby-girl, please.”

Please was a word Olivia did not use very often, when she did not feel submissive and Alex had always found it very hard to resist then. She took a deep breath and said,

“I lied to you, Olivia. Today was not the first time,” 

Alex reached up with her right hand, grabbed Olivia’s hand and pulled her towards her lips. She kissed the tip of her fingers, just a light touch of the lips and then she put Olivia’s hand on her knee. Her own hands sank to her lap and she looked up with sadness and guilt coloring her expression.

“Jessica, one of the new paralegals brought some left-over cake from her father’s birthday party – key-lime-pie and blueberry muffins with white chocolate frosting and sprinkles. I ate a big piece of lime pie and it was great sour and spicy, just as it should be and everything would have been fine if I had just stopped at that.

“But then I saw the two blueberry muffins sitting at the edge of the desk, daring me to eat them. I did and the moment they slid down my gullet I knew that they had to go out again. I raced to the restroom and stayed there long enough for Casey and to get worried. I told her that I was fine, but I’m not sure if she believed me. And today was not the first time. Alex’ words came slowly without her usual eloquence. “Two weeks ago Liz and Lena dragged me to that Texan place for lunch and I had steak and baked potatoes with cream and a real Coke and they had cheese cake on the dessert menu and I could not resist. It was so good…”

Olivia respected Alex’ need to gather her thoughts but when three minutes had passed without another word she prompted, “Go on, baby-girl. I’m here for you, I’m listening.”

“I had them pack me a second slice of cake. I told Liz that it was for you. I ate it half an hour after our return. And then I had to run to the restroom…”

“Tell me about that second piece of cheese cake, Lexi. Was it as good as the first?” Olivia asked gently.

“Yes, down to the last crumb. It was so good but…” Alex’ gaze returned to the floor. “Even while eating it I knew that I once again had lost control and I started to feel guilty about it and I knew that I should have kept it until later and eat it with you present to make sure that I don’t panic afterwards and force it back up, but I didn’t. I did not wait and I wolfed it down and suddenly in my mind the cheese cake and everything else I had eaten transformed into fat jiggling hips and a pot belly. I barely made it to the toilette. I didn’t even have to use my finger.

“And then I felt so guilty because I knew that I once again had been weak. I had disappointed you and you didn’t even know about it. And I was angry at myself because I could have avoided that relapse if I had not bought that second piece or if I had called you as soon I started to feel guilty about it. You would have talked me out of it and everything would have been fine.”

There was so much anguish and shame in Alex’ voice Olivia wanted nothing more than to pull her beloved partner, her wife in her arms and hold her and tell her that everything would be alright, but she knew that Alex’ best chance to come to terms with what had happened two weeks ago and earlier that day was to talk about it, to put it into perspective. So, she forced herself to sit still and keep her hands to herself.

“I went home early and I stripped and stood in front of the mirror. I stood there and I tried to tell myself what you always tell me. I tried to tell myself that I am beautiful, inside and out, but it sounded hollow without your touch and your eyes on me. I tried to call you. It went to voice mail and I didn’t know what to say. So, I just left a message telling you that I love you. I even managed to sound cheerful but I was miserable.

“I went to the kitchen for a bottle of water. I remembered the cookie mix left from the last time we guarded my niece and nephew. I started to make cookies. I ate the dough. It tasted horrible because I had accidentally used salt instead of sugar. I ate it anyway and a few minutes later I threw up again until there was nothing left but dry-heaves.”

Olivia saw the tears running down Alex’ beautiful face and all the logic and rationality in the world could not have stopped her from joining Alex on the floor and pulling her into her arms. She kissed her tears away and between kisses she reassured her that she was not angry and that she loved her and that everything would be alright.

“I love you, baby-girl, and we’ll get through this. You’re beautiful and you always will be. I don’t care if one day you have wrinkles or white hair or if you’re overweight. I love you, Lexi, and I always will – just like you love me even when I have been naughty or willful or stubborn and need to be punished.”

Alex gradually calmed down. She felt safe in Olivia’s arms. She always had and she probably always would. Olivia knew what was best for her and she kept her in line. Olivia knew when to press a point or let something slide. Olivia was her strength in more than one aspect. She allowed herself to be cradled and caressed. It felt just too good to give it up, and she was deeply grateful for Olivia’s tender care.

A part of her, however, was slightly amused at herself. When she had first fallen in lust and then in love with the fiery detective she never would have thought that one day she would depend so much on her touch, her care, her praise, her love, her support, her discipline. She always had been the strong one in any relationship before Olivia. She always had been the dominant partner. She still was the dominant partner, but not at all times.

Sometimes Olivia knew better what was best for her, and for them, than she did. She had learned to trust her partner’s instincts in that area. This was one of those times.

“I need to tell you about the other two times.” Alex said dejectedly. 

“I don’t have to hear that now. Alexandra. I already know the most important thing. I know that you relapsed and I know that you did not tell me about it.”

“I’m sorry, Liv,” Olivia saw the sincerity of Alex’ remorse but she also felt righteous anger at her behavior. So, she asked with a slight edge to her voice,

“Are you sorry because I caught you chewing gum which you only do after a bulimic attack? Or are you sorry because it happened. Why did you not tell me?”

Alex’ tears started to fall harder, she buried her face against Liv’s shoulder and sobbed, until she had calmed down enough to answer.

“Our relationship is not a one-way-street, my Liv. I want and need you to be proud of me just as much as you need that from me, that’s why I punish you when you misbehave and why you need to punish me. I know I should have come out and confessed to you the day it happened that would have been honorable and honest and right. And I wanted to tell you, but then you came home and took me in your arms and held me and I felt so unworthy of your love and attention and I could not tell you.

“A week later, I threw up a hot dog with all the trimmings and the day after that a Twix bar. Please punish me for keeping the truth from you and lying to you, Olivia. I love you and I never want to disappoint you though I know I did.”

“It’s not disappointment I feel when you falter that way and force your meals back up because you refuse to see how beautiful you are, even with tears running down your face and red-rimmed eyes. I fear for you and I worry. You harm yourself like driving in a car without using the seatbelt or walking home on foot during a snow storm or crossing Central alone at night on foot.

“You endanger your life and your health and that scares the living daylights out of me. Yes, baby-girl you earned your punishment and we will get back to a point at which you can once again say no to the things you know are not good for you. But now is not the time and here is not the place, we’ll do it at home, tonight and for as long as it takes.

I love you, my Alex, but you still have not answered my question: Would you have told me, if I had not found out on my own?”

“Yes, Olivia, I would have told you tonight. Have a look at the desk and you’ll find my confession half written on the notepad. My reaction to the muffins scared me and I would have told you tonight.” 

Alex relaxed into Olivia’s embrace, mostly oblivious to the fact that they both were huddled on the floor of her office, in the middle of the workday with the lunch Olivia had brought still untouched.

Olivia had not forgotten that they would have to appear in court soon. It was a ten minutes walk from the DA’s office to the court house and she yet had to get Alex back into prosecutor mode. So, she got up and dragged Alex with her.

“Look at me, Alexandra,” Olivia said in a stern voice.

Alex shock her head in slow motion as if she were not yet willing to join the real world.

“Alexandra Jean Cabot!”

Hearing her full name snapped Alex out of her stupor and she looked at Olivia with wide, unfocused eyes.

“I know you have much more to say, Lexi, but we don’t have the time just now. You have to be in court soon and I will be your first witness. I know you feel bad about what you did today and the last two weeks, but now you need to think of the greater picture. There’s a perp to put away and I know you can do it.”

Alex froze in Olivia’s arms. She took a deep breath and Olivia’s embrace loosened quite a bit. Alex’ posture was tense but no longer frozen. She took another deep breath and Olivia let go of her. Alex blinked a few times and Olivia took a step back. She made visual contact with Alex. She tried to convey her love and her trust and understanding in one comforting glance.

Alex took another deep breath, and the competent ADA was back in charge, “Back to work, Detective Benson.”

Looking down at Olivia’s tear stained shirt and her own slightly rumpled appearance Alex added, “There’s a fresh shirt in my cupboard for you, Liv.”

“Thank you, Alex. I’d rather not appear in Judge Preston’s courtroom looking as if I’ve just chased a perp through all of lower Manhattan on foot.”

Olivia opened the hidden wardrobe and not only retrieved the shirt but also a fresh suit for Alex. The one she was wearing was not only slightly rumpled, it also was partially soaked through by the tears she had shed with Olivia and the ones she had cried before her beloved had confronted her.

Olivia helped Alex to change into her new suit. They kissed and walked over to the courtroom. After her testimony and the surprisingly short cross interrogation by the defense counsel, Olivia found herself reluctant to leave Alex. So, she called the precinct and asked Captain Cragen to stay.

He allowed it under the condition that she sat directly on the hard bench in the courtroom without using one of the pillows kept ready for the public. He also reminded her that as part of the corrective measure he still would have to inspect her bruises. She readily agreed to his conditions and watched in awe how Alex coaxed the still visibly frightened victim out of her shell. After the young woman’s moving testimony the judge called an early recess to the next day to give her a chance to calm down before the cross interrogation.

Back in Alex’ office Olivia ate her BLT sandwich while Alex picked at her salad without really eating much of anything. Olivia then locked the door, undressed and positioned herself over Alex’ lap and was surprised when she was ordered not to count. Alex ignored her thighs and focused on her firm backside. It only took about two dozen hard smacks for her to be in tears again and she fervently hoped that no one would hear what they were doing.

Not that it would have been anything special. Corporal punishment was part of their society, not only in the police department; even the great Alex Cabot had once or twice ended under the belt and cane of her department head, and as Bureau Chief she soon would have to reprimand the ADA’s under her authority accordingly.

When it was over Olivia’s buttocks once again were burning hot and she had a hard time not to groan when she redressed. Alex gave her a passionate kiss and told her that she had about three more hours of paperwork ahead of her and would pick her up at the one-six.

 

-x-x-x-

 

2.Couch Confessions

Almost four hours passed until Olivia heard the sound she had been waiting for, the characteristic staccato of Alex’ heels coming towards her desk. Donald Cragen and the other detectives had already gone home. Olivia put the file she had been reading back in the drawer, locked her desk, holstered her weapon and put her leather jacket back on. She was ready to leave. Alex did not look at her, instead she stared at the glass panels separating Captain Cragen’s office from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the squad room.

Alex’ movements were slow and stiff and she avoided looking Olivia in the eyes. So, for a moment Olivia feared that there had been another vomiting incident in the meantime. But quickly discarded the idea. Alex was clearly apprehensive, but she would wait until they were at home before trying to find out why. So, Olivia pulled Alex in her arms and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek, “Let’s go home, baby-girl.”

“I’m sorry, Olivia. I’m sorry that I did not call you the moment I threw up the cheesecake two weeks ago. I should have told you then, and the other incidents might not have happened. You would have found a way to counteract my gut reaction.”

“We’ll get through it, baby-girl.” There was so much more Olivia wanted to say and ask but now was not the time or the place. She needed Alex at home and safe and in her arms.

They didn’t speak during the drive back home or the elevator ride up to their penthouse apartment. Alex let Olivia open the door and reactivate the alarm system. She just stood there, in her coat, holding her briefcase, not moving. Olivia slipped out of her leather jacket and shoes, secured her weapon in the wall safe and took the briefcase from Alex’ unresisting hand. She gently took off Alex’ coat, got down on a knee in front of her and coaxed her to raise one foot after the other just enough to take off her shoes.

Olivia guided Alex over to the couch and undressed quickly but not without putting her clothes in a neat pile on the loveseat. Olivia then proceeded to undress her uncooperative wife. When she was done and they both were naked and two piles of clothing were sitting on the loveseat Olivia pulled Alex down to the couch and cradled her in her arms.

“I love you, baby-girl. Try to relax.”

Alex’ body was tense and Olivia could feel slight tremors running through her. Olivia pulled a light blanket from the back of the couch and over both of them though she knew that Alex’ shivering had nothing to do with the room temperature. Experience told her that Alex was berating herself for what she perceived as her lack of self-control and weakness. She had to give her beloved time to calm down. So, she did the only thing she could do at the moment, she stroked Alex’ thigh and arm and kept whispering to her.

Finally, after what seemed like a long time, Alex turned a bit to the side and made eye contact with Olivia, “I don’t deserve your kindness, Liv.”

“It’s not kindness, Lexi; it’s love.”

“I screwed up, Liv. I’m weak. I don’t deserve your love,” Alex whispered.

“No, my love, never. You faltered but that does not make you weak. In my eyes you’ll never be weak, and you not only deserve to be loved, baby-girl, you’re entitled to be loved and cherished and pampered. You, Alexandra Jean Cabot, are what makes my life worth living. My first thought every morning is for you and my last thought every evening. I love you, Alex Cabot. Can you smile for me? Just a little smile?”

Alex tried to comply but did not manage more than a painful looking twitch of her face and despite Olivia’s warm body and the fluffy blanket her posture was still tense and her body slightly trembling. Finally she whispered, “I should be punished, Liv. I do not deserve being held.”

“You will be punished when I’m good and ready, baby-girl. But for the moment just holding you is much more important to me. I know you feel bad about your transgressions, perhaps even more than usual. It’s been almost six months since your last relapse and I was starting to hope that we could put that particular problem behind us.

“Let’s try to get to the bottom of this new relapse. You said that the first time was after your lunch with Judge Petrovsky and Liz Donnelly when they told you about your impeding promotion to Bureau Chief. But that was not the first time you heard about that, right, baby-girl?”

“The rumor mill had it that there would be significant changes in personnel and that I was at the top of a very short list. But Lena and Liz made it clear that it was not just rumors. Splitting the SVU cases with Casey has been fun, but this is so much bigger. I admit that I was surprised when they made it official. It’s a big step in the direction I always wanted my career to take and much sooner than I had anticipated.”

“Do you think, it could have prompted the cheese cake incident?” Olivia asked. “There’s a difference between hearing rumors and hearing the same thing that you wanted to happen will really happen soon from people you respect and in a way admire. In their own inimitable ways Liz Donnelly and Lena Petrovsky are role models for you.”

Alex had marginally relaxed but immediately tensed up again at Liv’s answer, “I’m not afraid of the challenge or the added responsibility.”

“That’s not what I meant to imply, my Alex. I did not want to ruffle your feathers more than they already are. I know you thrive under a challenge, you do not fear them; you do not run.

“Had you not taken the challenge I offered, I probably by now would be a bitter, lonely woman, a failure in live and job. I would have continued to slither from one ultimately unfulfilling relationship to the next. Without you I would not have had the courage to face or live my real desires and needs. You freed the submissive woman hidden deep inside of me, your love and your discipline make me strong and the good, tough detective I am.

“There were many cases I would have botched up if not for you. I love you, Alexandra Jean Cabot, but I’m still going to punish you for having kept your relapses from me. I think they did not happen because you fear the responsibility. The first time might have been surprise at getting what you wanted that much sooner than expected, but after that deliberately throwing up became the easy way out. You perceive it as a loss of control over your body, so, you did not let it happen too often, but the temptation was always there and it’s getting stronger. You should have told me.”

Alex was starting to relax again, but she did not say anything and she did not look at Olivia.

“Take your time, baby-girl. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What I said is true, Liv, I did not want you to see me as weak or to disappoint you, but that’s not the only reason. Giving you an order and knowing that you will do your best to obey me even if you’d rather do something else, that gives me a thrill and it makes me feel 10 feet tall. 

“Today, after the second spanking with tears still staining your face and the scent of your arousal, when you thanked me and looked at me with such open admiration in your eyes, such devotion I never wanted that moment to end. And at the same time being held by you earlier when I cried, I also did not want that moment to end. I know that I will always be safe in your arms. I know I don’t need to screw up for you to hold me, all I have to do is ask. Usually I don’t even have to ask, you just know when something is wrong with me and what I need.”

“Then I failed you the last two weeks, my Alex. I should have known, and in retrospect, I have to admit that there were indicators that something was not right, I just did not see it then, maybe I did not want to see them.”

“Don’t blame yourself, Liv. It was my fault I should have told you and then there even might not have been more than the cheese cake incident. I broke our basic rules, repeatedly. If our roles were reversed I would punish you for keeping secrets and lying to me and I would not be lenient.” 

“I will punish you, baby-girl, on my terms, you are so special to me you deserve special treatment. Yesterday when the Captain punished me it hurt so much and I had a hard time to hold still, but I was not aroused. The two or three times your mother punished me after a mishap at the Hamptons, I was not aroused.

“You are the only one in the world able to make me feel horny after a session under the cane, belt or paddle. With you everything is different, more honest, more intense, deeper. You make me feel because I know that when you punish me it’s because I did not give you much of a choice. You punish me because you love me and only want what is best for me. I love you, baby-girl.”

“And I love you, my Liv,” Alex made herself smaller and rested her head against Olivia’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. The tension had left her and the trembling had stopped. Olivia’s buttocks were burning and there was residual pain from the flogging the day before at the insides of her thighs, but now that Alex had finally relaxed she did not have the heart to force her to move just now.

It had taken Alex much longer than usual to reach that state of relative calm. Olivia knew from experience that she still was in a rather fragile state, not only because of the relapses but for having kept them secret. Alex would get up on her own when she was ready to face the consequences of her actions.

So, she also closed her eyes and enjoyed the quiet of their apartment. She did not want to fall asleep, though snugly bundled up under the blanket and with Alex on top of her the danger was palatable. Two years ago when they had worked out their basic rules and Olivia had learned something new about her needs and wants as Alex’ submissive every day, the mere thought of a temporary role reversal that would put her in a position having to punish her beloved Mistress would have made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

Before meeting Alex and first seeing her as a threat sent by the Morris’ commission to screw them all over, Olivia’s relationships had rarely lasted longer than a couple of months at the most, then she usually tired of her current paramour and started to look for a successor.

If there had been a D/s component to the relationship Olivia had automatically taken the dominant role. She had been comfortable and content in that role, comfortable but not fulfilled, something had been missing and at the time she would not have been able to tell what exactly had been missing. Alex’ passion for justice had slowly won over the squad and Olivia had started to pursue her attraction to the beautiful ADA with her usual single minded purpose by taking her to lunch and dinner.

One evening, after their fifth dinner date, Alex had invited Olivia up to her apartment for a nightcap. Olivia had stayed the night and they had made love for the first time. Olivia had surprised herself that night following Alex’ gently persistent coaxing orders without being really aware of it. That night they had done nothing a couple with an equality based power dynamic in the relationship and decidedly vanilla tastes would have been adverse to do.

The next morning at breakfast Olivia had bristled when Alex had calmly told her that even though professionally Olivia could be a real pain in the behind Alex wanted more than just one night with her and that giving orders in- and outside of the bedroom was Alex’ job, her responsibility, her privilege.

Olivia was about to voice her protest when Alex sealed her lips with a kiss. It took Olivia’s breath away, left her speechless and feeling overwhelmed. The kiss had also breached all of Olivia’s considerable defenses. Olivia had never even considered the possibility of taking on a submissive role in a relationship, but with Alex it felt simply right, almost natural.

Considering the abuse in Olivia’s childhood, her sense of self-preservation should have sent her running the moment Alex had made her position and some of her demands clear, instead she felt herself falling more deeply in love with the determined ADA every day. Olivia had thought that she had been in love, before meeting Alex, truly in love. But no one had ever made her feel like Alex made her feel, out of control, exhilarated, unhinged, loved, safe and complete.

Olivia mentally shock herself out of her walk along memory lane. Instead she focused on the feeling of Alex’ skin touching hers and the warmth of their bodies under the blanket. It felt so good, so perfect. She also suddenly became aware that she could feel Alex’ ribs pressing against her skin, seemingly every single one of them. The last time she had held her Mistress that way she had not been able to count her ribs just by touching her at the side. It would also explain why Alex had suddenly insisted on wearing pajamas to bed; though she usually did not. She did not want it to end, but experience had taught her that Alex would move soon and ask to be punished for lying and keeping her transgressions a secret. So, Olivia decided that she would have to find out if there was more behind than that. 

 

-x-x-x-

 

3\. Dinner and a Corner

Alex was getting restless in her arms. Olivia helped her up and led her directly to the Master bathroom where she made her step on the digital scale. She didn’t even have to look at the list with Alex’ monthly weigh-ins pinned to the wall to know that since the last time about three weeks ago her beloved had lost more than five pounds, five pounds she could not afford to go without. Alex also was aware of her loss of weight; Olivia saw that in the way she stubbornly refused to look at the scale’s weight indicator.

“Aside from throwing up five times and not telling me, what else did you keep from me? And baby girl, please do not make me spell it out for you. Throwing up extra food did not make you lose more than two and a half kilos.”

Alex raised her chin and threw her hair back in a proud gesture. She tried to make her voice sound unconcerned and nonchalant, but was not very convincing,

“I also might have skipped a meal or two.”

“No games, Alexandra, how many meals did you skip, exactly?”

Olivia’s voice was authoritative and not at all playful or understanding and Alex’ shoulders slumped a bit at that.

“It only started after the cheesecake incident, Liv. And it’s not that it was premeditated. I did not leave home in the morning having already decided that I would skip lunch or dinner. It just happened.”

Before Olivia could repeat her question, she added, “Seven times, I missed seven meals and did not tell you about it. I knew that you would eventually forgive me, but after the second time I didn’t know how to explain my transgressions without confessing to my other relapses. I’m sorry, Liv. Please, punish me severely.”

“I will, baby-girl. Those meals did you skip them because you were really not hungry? Or did you skip because you wanted to finish to read just that report and passed the point of being hungry? Or did you just forget the time?”

“A bit of all three, Liv. I was really not hungry. I lost myself in my work. I felt a distinct twinge of hunger, but I ignored it in favor of work. It seemed like the easier way, Liv.”

“Lying to me and keeping such secrets should never even enter your mind. You trust me with your money, you should also trust me with this, It’s much more important.”

“I trust you, Olivia, in everything, just like you trust me. And telling you about the missed meals and the throwing up it’s just so hard. I know it disappoints you and hurts you when I fail us this way. And it makes me feel smaller than I am. When I act this way you have no reason to look up to me and that’s very important to me. I also know that keeping my transgressions from you is worse than having committed them in the first place. So, it’s a catch 22.”

Olivia embraced her beloved gently and said, “You know, baby girl, for someone as brilliant as you are, you sometimes can be a really dumb blonde. I’ll always look up to you regardless of how much you hurt us both by throwing up and not eating. I love you and nothing can change that. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re almost two inches taller than me. – And now, sweetie, it’s time for the first part of your punishment. In light of what I just learned, I have decided that you need something to eat. And while I cook you will stand in the corner of the living room and think about why you really kept secrets from me.”

Alex turned half around in Olivia’s arms and looked at her pleadingly, “I know you hate the corner almost as much as I do but it’s like you always say, in the end you will understand that I only want what is best for you, my Lexi. And I will even let you wear a robe during corner time and dinner, before we go to the bedroom and I’ll try to make you see yourself with my eyes; when I try to make you see how beautiful and perfect and irresistible you are.”

Olivia took a blue silk robe from its hook on the bathroom door and held it open. Alex wrapped it around herself and sighed in relief. She loved feeling the smooth fabric on her skin. It made her feel comfortable and safe. Olivia was right: She hated having to stand in the corner, but when it ended she always felt better than she had before. Olivia led her to the corner of the living room they sometimes used for that purpose.

From Olivia’s perspective it had the advantage over the corresponding corner in the bedroom that she could see her beloved while cooking. She told Alex to put her hands behind her back and to relax. She also told her that she would be back in a moment. Olivia took a blank piece of paper from the study, marked it with a red x in the middle and took it with her to the living room. She held it against the wall, aligned the edge of the paper with one of the stripes of the wallpaper and ordered Alex to fixate it with the tip of her nose. She also told her that she would be punished should it slip or fall and that she should see it as a challenge. Alex swallowed audibly but complied without hesitation.

Alex knew that Olivia would ask her later about the result of her corner time reflections, but her mind was blank. She could not come up with a single explanation that did not sound like an excuse, and there was no excuse for what she had done. After about ten minutes of pointless musings the piece of paper held by her nose started to slip. She moved her head forward to increase the pressure and it worked, for a while. The moment Alex focused on the smells coming from the kitchen area, it slipped again. She recognized the smell of onion and bacon in a frying pan, potatoes cooking and fried fish.

Alex now knew what Olivia was creating: warm potato salad and fried fish. And Olivia knew exactly how to season the fish without overwhelming its natural flavor. By sprinkling a bit of flour on the fish before putting it into the pan and adding finely cut pieces of lemongrass, in reference to Alex’ dislike of pure lemon. Alex felt with dismay that the piece of paper she was supposed to hold up slipped another millimeter or two.

Olivia had made it clear that holding the paper up was a challenge she currently was failing. And she knew that her failure would have painful, well deserved consequences, though Olivia always chose corporal punishment as a last resort for Alex, but once she had decided that it was warranted; she did what she thought was necessary. Alex pressed her nose even harder in the corner to avoid further slippage.

She tried once again to think of the real reasons why she had kept her transgressions from her beloved, but found that she could not focus on anything but the tantalizing scent of their dinner being prepared. She heard Olivia say that dinner would be ready in ten minutes. Alex felt that she was running out of time. She had to find an acceptable answer before Liv called her to the dinner table that was tucked away in another corner of their living room. And too soon Olivia was at her side, took a close look at the piece of paper under her nose and led her over to the table where two steaming plates were already waiting for them with two glasses of freshly pressed juice.

“Bon appetit, sweetie. Enjoy. How far down do you think did the piece of paper slip?”

“I don’t know, Liv. I tried to hold it in place but I got distracted and failed, I guess it was about an inch, maybe a millimeter or so less.”

“You are too hard on yourself, sweetie, judging from the stripes on the wallpaper it was not more than a quarter of an inch; nevertheless you know that you earned an additional punishment even for letting it only slip that much. So, what do you think should happen to you?”

“I should be punished harshly for failing your challenge and for not finding an adequate answer as to why I kept my transgressions from you. Please cane me. One stroke for every millimeter the paper slipped and a few additional strokes for not thinking clearly enough to come up with a good answer. Two dozen strokes should teach me that lesson.”

“The paper only slipped seven millimeters, baby girl, but I agree with you: you will receive a dose of the cane before we go to bed tonight. But you will not be punished for not finding an answer you like. You already answered that question. I believe your contention that you kept quiet because you did not want me to see you as anything less than perfect and larger than life. I know you did not only do that for me. I already know that you are not in fallible. You’re not perfect. You, my Love, are human and that means you make mistakes.

“It does not change how I see you: You are my Mistress. When I’m in a situation that forces me to punish you; you are even more my Mistress than the other way round. You stand above all those other Mistresses and Masters about whom I read who do never face the consequences of their actions when they screw up, because they have no one in their lives who has the right to make them take responsibility for themselves. You gave me the right to punish you when you break our basic rules; more than that if you fail you no longer see yourself as my Mistress, though you still are and always will be.”

“Thank you, Olivia but you read too much in my actions. If I really were the woman you want to see in me I would have taken responsibility for my actions after the first incident.”

Olivia stood up, pulled Alex in a fierce hug and said, “Do you have any idea how much I love you, Alexandra Jean Cabot? How adorable you are and perfect?”

“If only I were! So, what will be my punishment?”

“One stroke with a cane of my choosing on your bare behind before we go to bed for every millimeter the paper slipped. That’s seven strokes in total plus an additional stroke as a reminder to do better the next time. And remember, I love, always.”

“Thank you, Liv. That’s very kind. You know that I would punish you harder if our roles were reversed. I might have decided that two strokes per millimeter are adequate or I might not have corrected your faulty self-assessment. You are so incredibly beautiful when you give yourself over to a punishment regardless of how painful it might be. I love you so much, my Livvy.”

They didn’t speak for the rest of the meal and Olivia smiled when she saw that Alex had eaten up everything on her plate without once complaining that it was too much and furthermore showed no indication that she felt the need to throw it up again while they were clearing the table and tidying up the kitchen.

Olivia made Alex take off the silk robe und stripped herself and then she asked, “Are you ready for your punishment, sweetie?”

Alex swallowed hard before she answered, “Yes, Olivia, I’m ready. Please don’t be lenient. I deserve to be punished harshly for keeping secrets and for not having been honest. My mother would probably make me go through two lengthy sessions under the cane for every one of my relapses and every missed meal.”

“The good thing is, sweetie, I am not your mother. You know that I respect her and her authority very much, Alex, but your recent transgressions are none of her business. She and I do not see eye to eye where punishing you is concerned. It’s hard enough that I’ll have to cane you later because you failed the challenge during corner time. You will not be punished for your relapses. I will punish you because you kept them secret and also not tell me about the skipped meals, baby-girl. Come, it’s time to take this to the bedroom.

Alex sighed but followed willingly when Olivia pulled her into the next room, “I’d rather you whip me, Liv. It would be so much easier.”

“No, sweetie, It may seem easier to you but that would be only deluding yourself. In the long run giving you pain will not accomplish anything. It will not help you to see yourself with my eyes. It will not teach you to see how wonderful you are and how unimportant outside appearances are for me. It will not help you to see your true beauty and perfection, to see what’s in your eyes.”

Malevolently wagging tongues are wont to loudly proclaim that women as beautiful and confident and successful as Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Jean Cabot enjoy nothing more than looking at their counterfeit in the mirror. They were wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth in this case. Alex loathed having to look at her reflection for any longer than it took to make a cursory check of her appearance before leaving the house to either go to work, meet with friends or attend a charity with Alex’ mother, the formidable Caroline Cabot. So, making Alex look at herself was among Olivia’s most efficient disciplinarian tools. Alex hated having to look at herself left to her own devices she tended to find only fault in what she saw.

 

-*-*-*-

 

4, The Mirror Session, cuddling and the Cane

Olivia positioned Alex in front of the floor to ceiling mirror mounted on the door of their walk-in-closet. Alex instinctively closed her eyes, Olivia stepped between Alex and the mirror and put her hands on Alex’ shoulders, “Open your eyes for me, baby-girl. Look at me. Yes, that’s it. Do you like what you see?”

“Liv, my Livvy. I not only like what I see, I love what I see. I absolutely adore what I see. It’s the most beautiful sight in the world, perfect.”

“I know that I’m not an ugly duckling, my Alex, but I’m not perfect, far from that, my nose is too big and I have scars, especially the one at the side of my face and those other scars not inscribed in my flesh but in my soul, the scars that let me lose control and make me act in a way that gets me punished, no, Alex, I’m not perfect.”

Alex took a step closer and pulled Olivia in her arms, her body still hidden from view by Olivia’s, but for good measure she closed her eyes again as she looked over Olivia’s shoulder. “Oh no, Detective Benson, you have to do better than employ such simple reverse psychology. Perfection is a question of definition, my Liv. You are perfect for me even if you make me do things I don’t particularly like, even your scars are perfect, because they are visible proof what you survived. And then there’s the slight swelling and that enticing shade of red of your buttocks. It tempts me to pull you over my knees once again and give you the first of tomorrow’s spankings right now.”

Olivia turned her head and looked up to the slightly taller woman, “I’m tempted to agree with you and not to object, Alex-mine, but now is not the time or the place. It’s time to teach you a lesson you can not learn at the business’ end of a whip, flogger, cane or belt. You have to accept deep in your heart that you are beautiful and that your beauty is not of a kind that could ever be lost.

“I know it sounds complicated compared to a simple spanking or whipping, but my way works. You passed the five months without an incident mark only a few days before your first relapse. You almost earned your six-months reward, the long weekend at Martha’s vineyard we had planned, now your countdown will have to start all over again, baby-girl.”

Alex closed her eyes, let her shoulders slump, but pulled Olivia tighter against her own body, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You earned some leisure time outside of the City and far from our usual life. Just leave me here, I don’t deserve any better.”

“Oh, my Alex, we still will go, just as planned, after the Annual Police Charity Ball, we have the time off, but it will not be as a treat for your good behavior. We will do it just for us and just because we can.”

“We will? I thought having to stay home would be part of my punishment?”

“No, baby-girl. We will go, both of us. We earned it with our hard work. Everything is planned out. Elliot’s old Marine buddy will bring us with his helicopter and pick us up again. And we have from Thursday to Monday just for us to play and have fun. Besides, my love, alone I would not have any fun, because I would worry about you mopping around in our apartment and eating things you shouldn’t out of sheer frustration. The simple fact is: I don’t want to go there without you. Without you it would just be time away from the city not the romantic time together I envisioned.”

“Thank you, my Liv, for not taking that away from us. I love you, Olivia Marie Benson.”

Olivia freed herself gently from Alex tight embrace, stepped aside and said, “And I love you, Alexandra Jean Cabot. Open your eyes for me.”

“Do I have to, Olivia?” Alex asked her eyes still squeezed tightly shut, her posture was tense though not yet extremely tense, as if she were poised for flight.

“Yes, baby-girl, you have to. You know the drill, open your eyes and look!”

Olivia’s voice suddenly held an edge of command, she rarely ever used at home, because usually Alex was the one in charge. It had not been louder or harsher than usual, but prompted Alex to open her eyes, but not all the way yet; She opened them just enough to confirm with her eyes what her body already knew: Olivia’s body no longer blocked her reflection in the mirror. She could no longer hide from herself. Alex wanted nothing more than to close her eyes again, but she didn’t.

Olivia wanted her to look and so she would look. Despite everything she had done wrong lately; she wanted Olivia to be proud of her and so she opened her eyes wide. Olivia had that strange effect on people. They wanted to please her. Even the rapists wanted to please her in the end and confessed or they did it to brag about their prowess. It was what made her so successful and deadly in an interrogation room and what had made her an efficient and sought-after Dominant in the past.

Nowadays she still had the interrogation room, but in her private life most of the time Alex called the shots; and Olivia seemed to enjoy and need giving over control to her beloved wife and Mistress. It was a strange feeling she never had had with anyone before. 

Alex mused that their roles could easily have been reversed, but it would not have worked out for both of them. Seeing the adoration and devotion in the strong detective’s eyes was such a turn-on and such a thrill for her, Alex would for nothing in the world want to miss that. Whenever Olivia took a dominant role her expression lacked those qualities and Alex knew that in the long run a complete role reversal would not be the right choice for either of them.

The first few times Olivia had made Alex look at her reflection, Alex’ deep seated aversion against her mirror image had made her want to instinctively step back, close her eyes, turn around and run off, but Olivia had been there and had held her until she had been ready and somewhat able to stand the horrible sight.

After two years of working on it, those session had become shorter and easier to bear and Alex no longer saw her body as as deformed as she had in the beginning; but she also did not see the tall, slim, extremely well-proportioned Goddess Olivia loved to describe to her. Olivia emphasized her words with touches in just the right places. They were so well placed that at the end of each session Alex was burning with need and arousal but it was part of their ritual and Olivia’s modus operandi not to allow her any release on those days to let the lesson sink in.

One should expect that she would get used to being left hanging and would learn to no longer react this openly and predictably to Olivia’s intentional touches, but that was not how it worked. Olivia never ceased to affect her it did not diminish and changed only to get stronger and right this moment Olivia’s voice snapped her out of her musings.

“Lexi, I just told you how much I love the way your hair flows down your back like a blonde waterfall. Did I already tell you how much I like the new length? Tell me what you see when you look in the mirror.”

”You don’t want to know what I see, Liv.”

“I would not have asked if I did not want to hear it, sweetie.”

“I see a failure; I see someone who has deliberately broken the rules and abused your trust. I see someone who should be punished with a harsh full body whipping, leaving marks all over my body. My body betrayed me and my mind was not strong enough to stop the cravings of my body or to come clean immediately and confess my transgressions. I don’t deserve your care and kindness.”

“Luckily for us both; that’s not for you to decide. It’s my prerogative in this case. Yes, you should have told me from the beginning but you didn’t and I know it’s not for lack of trust or because you are afraid to face the consequences of your actions. You are always very brave when it comes to punishments and you still have a session under the came coming later.

“Now, my sweet Alexandra let me tell you what I see when I look at your reflection in the mirror: I see the woman I love. I see flawless beauty inside and out. I see the most beautiful human being in the world. I see someone as close to perfection as a human being can get. There is only one slight problem with that. Since the last time we did a mirror session the perfection has diminished, by over five pounds and that’s not good. It means that I’ll gave to take better care of you and make sure that you eat right and don’t throw it up. I thought that we had passed the point where you need close monitoring but your recent transgressions prove that we are not: You, my love, can not be left to your own devices where food is concerned. You tend to overreact.”

“I’m sorry, Liv. I’m sorry that I lied to you and kept secrets. I’m sorry that I disappointed you.”

“I know, baby girl. I know that you are sorry and what we do here is part of your punishment, but it’s also more than just that. It also aims to help you see yourself as you really are. From now on, I will more closely supervise your diet and we will have weekly weigh-ins instead of mouting on the scale once a month. At least until you have regained the five pounds you lost over the course of the last few weeks, and last but no least you are not allowed to have an orgasm for the time being, regardless how much you want to and how much you may plead.”

While talking Olivia ran her hand over Alex’ back, down to her waist and back up to the back of her neck, but her touch was so feathery light that someone whose skin was less sensitive than Alex’, could have mistaken it for a draft of air constantly changing direction.

To Alex’ it was what it was meant to be a precursor of things to come; though there was also no doubt that the longing and arousal it created would remain unfulfilled. It was the part of her punishment she hated and feared most; being left hanging somehow touched her soul. It made her feel like nothing else how much she had disappointed her beloved and how relative the names “Mistress” and “submissive” really were in their relationship, regardless of what Olivia said.

Olivia had started to describe Alex’ body in excruciating detail as she usually did during those sessions. She described the texture of her skin and the taste of her lips and her sex; she described everything down to the smallest dimple and birthmark – and she kept touching her, her stomach, her thighs, her arms, her back.

The strange thing was that though she had heard those or similar words for what sometimes seemed to her like a million times, they never got old. They always sent a shiver down her spine directly to her center and made her horny and needy; and only Olivia could put her out of her misery. Olivia, of course, would not; and, frankly, after what she had done those last few words she did not deserve any better. She deserved to be brought to the edge every day without being allowed release for at least two weeks to make up for having kept her beloved in the dark about her relapses. What she thought she deserved and what Olivia decided to do in the end, however, were usually two pair of shoes. And Olivia was the one in charge at least at the moment.

Olivia had fallen silent during Alex’ musings; she now focused on her touch alone, but she still stayed away from Alex’ most erogenous zones; her breasts and her sex. She also did not touch the few ticklish spots, her belly button and that one spot behind her right earlobe. The left earlobe was in comparison touch dumb because even a slight touch on the right made Alex giggle almost uncontrollably.

Alex felt herself shiver under Olivia’s knowing touch; her skin was pebbled with goose bumps and she was only moments away from starting to beg. But that was not to be that night. She became aware that something was different when Olivia encircled her waist but contrary to her usual modus operandi she kept her fingers absolutely still. She usually tapped them against Alex comparatively to her own relatively pale skin, one finger after the other like an extremely slow wave rolling towards a flat beach while simultaneously her thumbs drew small circles on Alex’ back.

That day Olivia’s hands were absolutely still and motionless and she became aware that Liv was chiding her softly, “Lexi, baby-girl, please focus, Look at yourself; don’t go off on a tangent in your head. Look at your reflection, look at those enticingly blushed cheeks, look at the wide, dark blue, dilated pupils, smell the heavenly, addictive scent of your arousal, better than any perfume anyone could ever create artificially. It’s all so perfect that I could easily forget that this perfection is missing five important, integral pounds. So, perfect that I’m tempted to get down on my knees right now and partake of the best dessert imaginable and make us both come.

“But you do not look and you’re missing all of this; and because this is supposed to be part of your punishment I can’t let you have an orgasm. And if you can not have one, I also shouldn’t; because, after all: you are my Mistress; in everything that does not concern your health and your eating habits. Look at yourself and accept that what you see is almost perfect and extremely beautiful if not for the missing five pounds. Look at your image in the mirror and relax.”

Alex turned her head to the side and looked everywhere but at her reflection.

“Do not force me to make it an order, Assistant District Attorney, Alexandra Jean Cabot. I know you can do it. It’s alright. Your image in the mirror does not bite.”

It took a bit more coaxing, but Alex turned her head back to the front and raised her gaze slowly until she could see her whole body in the mirror. The moment she did she started to shiver violently and not in arousal. Olivia whispered encouragingly to her and told her that she was brave and that she could do it and that she loved her and was proud of her.

The shivering stopped gradually and her eyes regained the dark blue hue indicative of arousal. Olivia resumed her caressing and teasing touches and this time Alex kept looking at the mirror and didn’t let her mind wander. When she was ready and squirming under Olivia’s ministrations, Olivia put her index finger over Alex’ lips to silence her and keep her from begging with words. Her eyes were eloquent enough. Olivia steeled her resolve not to give in. She could not let that happen: it would be counter-productive. So, she asked,

“What do you see, baby-girl? – And sweetie, I want you to tell me what you see, not what you think I want to hear; take your time, Lexi.”

Alex let her gaze wander over her reflection and checked what she could see of the rest of the room without turning her head. Olivia’s hands were roaming over her stomach, her back and her sides, maddeningly distant from where she most wanted to be touched.

“What do you see, Alexandra?” The tone of Olivia’s voice and the use of the long version of her name made it clear to Alex that she better find an answer fast, or she would get the full name treatment next, and she much preferred to hear Liv’s endearments, like “baby-girl, sweetie and Lexi.”

So, she said, “I see someone who is very much loved and desired and at the moment horny as hell. I see someone who is ready to beg and plead and do almost everything to be granted release. I see someone who is thankful because she is loved and cherished. You and your love and the adoration shining in your eyes though I can’t see them at the moment and your passion are what make the reflection in the mirror beautiful and worth looking at.”

“That’s a big step in the right direction, baby-girl, I’m very proud of you – and now: Can you tell who that is in the mirror?”

“Yes, my Liv. I know who that is, It’s me, Alexandra Jean Cabot, your wife and Mistress because you let me be. Assistant District Attorney Alex Cabot, daughter of Alexander Michael Cabot and Caroline Michelle Cabot. I know who that person is and that she has a lot of things speaking for her, I know but I do not feel it. It does not mean anything to me. I’m sorry, Liv.”

“It’s alright, baby-girl. We’ll get to that point again. It would have too much to expect so soon after a series of relapses. But we have all the time in the world, my love. And now that your arousal has abated a bit, are you ready to be punished for having failed your corner time challenge?”

“Liv, can we go back to the living room and cuddle for a while on the couch before you select a cane for my punishment?”

“Of course, baby-girl. Everything you want.”

Olivia took their robes with her but they did not put them on. They snuggled in a corner of the couch and wrapped themselves in a big, warm, fluffy blanket; the same blanket they had used earlier that evening. Though she was almost two inches taller than Olivia Alex liked to make herself small when she was in a snuggling mood as she had been earlier this day and was now again. She curled up and rested her head on Olivia’s shoulder.

She was still quite aroused, but being safely held in Liv’s arms allowed her to think about everything she had seen, heard and felt during the dreaded mirror session. It was amazing that it still had such an impact on her and that though it was more or less the same every time, it never got boring or routine and she never knew in advance how she would react to Olivia’s words and touches.

Yes, she knew what the mirror sessions ultimately were all about: Olivia wanted her to get to a point where she felt good in her skin. She wanted her to genuinely like what she saw in the mirror without having to refer to Olivia’s love for her and without rationalizing and distancing herself from her reflection.

In the two years they were now living together she had reached that point a couple of times but it had never lasted long after the sessions had ended. A few minutes at the most, sometimes only a few seconds, but those short periods of time had shown her that Olivia was right, that she could eventually learn to like her reflection in the mirror, any mirror. And it was Olivia’s consequence, patience and perseverance that gave her the strength to even try.

Alex relaxed completely in Olivia’s arms. She closed her eyes and was about to fall asleep when Olivia told her that it was time to get up and get ready for her punishment.

Alex sighed but obeyed, “You know what to do, baby-girl. Stretch out on your front, I’ll get the cane.”

Alex went back to the bedroom and Olivia walked over to their paraphernalia cabinet and selected a simple, leather-covered bamboo-cane from their collection. It was one of their lighter canes, but Olivia knew from personal experience that it created quite a burning sting, that, however, was by far not as strong with as long lasting marks as did the carbon fiber cane and the one made from fiber glass cable.

Olivia had also grabbed a bottle with cooling Aloe balm that would keep the swelling down but did not contain a painkiller. It would help Alex to relax after her punishment.

As expected, Alex was lying on their bed, on her front. Her head was resting on a pillow under which her hands and forearms were also hidden. Her legs were slightly spread and her pelvis elevated from resting on their second pillow to offer a better target area.

“Are you ready, baby girl?”

“Yes, Olivia, I’m ready. Please punish me hard for having failed the corner time challenge.”

“As promised, my love. Seven strokes with the cane for letting the paper slip and one to incite you to do better the next time. I want you to count but you will not be punished if you miscount.”

“Thank you, Olivia. I don’t deserve your leniency.”

“Thank me when it’s done, my Lexi, then you will know how lenient I’m not.”

Olivia took a practice swing with the thin wooden reed; it whistled threateningly through the air and Alex gasped at the sound but didn’t move even a quarter of an inch. She knew Olivia would make sure that the strokes covered the whole expanse of her buttocks from slightly below the small of her back to slightly above the apex of her thighs. Alex cried out in pain at every stroke but she counted them dutifully and held her position though it was evidently hard for her.

Olivia spaced the strokes evenly. The moment the last stroke hit her Alex raised her head from the pillow and sobbed out the number. Olivia let the cane fall to the floor and told her that her punishment was over and that she had been very brave and that Olivia was proud of her. Then she sat down at the side of the bed, squeezed a generous dollop of Aloe balm from the bottle and put it on Alex’ hot, marked, extremely beautiful butt cheeks. Olivia was careful but Alex still could not help her flinching. When she was done she put the cane back on its hook in cabinet and the balm in the bathroom.

She then climbed in bed, removed the pillow from under Alex’ hips, pulled the comforter on top of them and lay back. Her own backside was still smarting a bit from her recent corrective measures at the precinct and the additional spankings she had earned at Alex’ hands; so, she rolled over to her side. Alex used the opportunity to snuggle in Olivia’s arms. A tear was clinging in the corner of her right eye and she thanked Olivia for the punishment and told her that she loved her.

“I love you as well, baby-girl, very much, good night, my Lexi.”

“Good night, Olivia, sleep well, my Livvy.”

It did not take long for either of them to fall asleep. For Alex the mirror session had been extremely draining, more than usual. And Olivia was tired from worrying about Alex’ erratic eating habits; though from her perspective the session had been a success. Alex had come to some form of acceptance and had not burst into helpless, angry tears as she sometimes did.

 

-*-*-*-

 

A few hours later Olivia woke up from Alex shaking her shoulder. The lamp on Alex’ side of the bed was on and cast a warm, orange light. Olivia’s first instinct was to jump out of bed and get ready for work, but Alex held her and shock her head and told her that everything was alright and that she had not been called to a case; she also reminded her that for the rest of the work week she was still on desk duty.

“I don’t want to sound grumpy Alex, but if it’s not work related why did you wake me up in the middle of the night?”

“You had kicked the comforter down and your buttocks were bare, I felt the sudden need to see for myself that the marks are fading as they should. The bedside lamp showed me something I like very much and would love to turn into a deeper red. I know I have not yet atoned for my own transgressions and so, it’s not my place to even ask, but I would very much like to give you the first of tomorrows’ spankings right now.”

Olivia pulled Alex in a on-armed hug and smiled. She dipped her head, kissed her side of her wife’s neck and for good measure gave it a quick, playful lick.

“No, baby-girl, you have not only the right to ask, you have the right to decide and demand to put me over your knees right now. You are my Mistress in everything that does not impede or hinder the completion of your own punishment and to that end I need to see the marks on your behind for my own peace of mind.”

Alex turned around without further comment and revealed the eight evenly spaced stripes on her behind. They hurt quite a bit but Alex knew that she would not have been as generous if their roles had been reversed. Olivia inspected the marks with eyes and hands and became aware of the familiar, unmistakable smell of Alex’ arousal.

Alex sat at the side of the bed and Olivia draped herself over the ADA’s lap, making sure that the weight of her torso rested on the bed and not on her wife. Alex reached over to the drawer in her nightstand where she kept a few toys and implements for impromptu sessions. She removed a ping pong-bat sized, leather-covered paddle from the drawer and started to smack Olivia’s rosy behind with fast, middle-hard strokes. Olivia squirmed a bit in the beginning, but not to the extent to get in the way of the spanking paddle. Alex kept up the fast cadence and after about five minutes the color of Olivia’s buttocks had changed from pink to dark red and Alex stopped the spanking.

She told Olivia that it was over and that she now only had three more spankings to go to see her punishment through and that she was proud of her. Olivia got on her feet and Alex saw the wetness glistening between her thighs and became even more aware of her own burning need. She was tempted to do something about that, but she also knew that Olivia would consider it hindering her punishment if she were to allow herself an orgasm and consequently that meant that her beloved wife would also have to go without.

Alex put the paddle back in the drawer and Olivia climbed back in bed. She lay on her side to spare her buttocks the pressure and opened her arms. Alex snuggled in her embrace. Going without a climax had been part of Olivia’s submissive training in their first few months as a couple; so, her arousal did not keep her awake. As soon as Alex was safely ensconced in her arms she said,

“I love you, my Lexi, my law, my Mistress. Thank you for continuing my punishment tonight instead of waiting for tomorrow morning. Thank you and sleep well.”

“I love you as well, good night, my Livvy.”

As horny as she was after the spanking session, Alex was sure that it would take her hours before she would be able to fall asleep, but then she felt the comforter resting lightly on the marks on her behind and she suddenly was filled with the certain knowledge that everything was as it should be and she fell asleep only minutes after her beloved.

 

-*-*-*-

 

5\. The Next Morning

The next morning they overslept a bit and had to hurry to get to work on time. There was no time for even a sort spanking, because Olivia insisted that they used the limited time they had for a cup of coffee and a bowl with cereals enhanced with freshly cut fruits. Before they parted ways, Alex made Olivia promise to stop by at lunch time to get the spanking they had not had in the morning at home.

Olivia agreed and told Alex that she would bring lunch and that she expected Alex to eat it like a good girl. Alex answered that she would do her best.

During their lunch break Alex used only her hand to redden Liv’s behind; so, the spanking took much longer as the one in the night had. Olivia’s eyes were shining with wetness, but Alex didn’t know if it was from the renewed pain or if the arousal she could smell was speaking. She ate most of the mixed salad and the freshly baked bread Liv had brought for lunch, and promised to pick her up at the precinct in the afternoon.

On the way home they stopped at a grocery store and Olivia bought three heavy bags filled with what she called ”essentials”. Alex carried on of them up to their penthouse apartment. At home they put the groceries in the pantry and the fridge and the detergent Olivia had insisted she needed under the sink.

Alex made Olivia strip. Admired the resilience of her skin and decided that it was time for the next to last spanking session. Olivia looked a bit apprehensive when Alex told her to fetch a studded belt from their toy cabinet and the Lexan paddle. Both implements hurt very much even when not applied with full force, but Liv obeyed without hesitation.

It was Alex right to punish her as she deemed fit and she knew that she could trust her and that her Mistress would not really hurt or harm her. Before she took her position she said,

“I love you, my Lexi, my Law. Please punish me as hard as I deserve.”

“I will, my Livvy, my Life. I love you and only want what is best for you. Try to relax for me.”

Alex started the spanking with five hard swats with the paddle. The holes in the plastic paddle made it whistle and left distinct marks on Liv’s behind. Olivia cried out but did not try to get up or protect herself. Alex put the paddle on the mattress and whispered endearments and encouraging words before she resumed the spanking just with her hand. Olivia’s whole body relaxed and she started to really calm down.

She could take the pain of a hand spanking; the redness would be gone in a few hours at the latest but the Lexan paddle and worse the studded belt were a whole other ball game. The blisters from the paddle and the imprints from the studs always lasted at least a day. When Alex was content with the color of her Detective’s butt cheeks she stopped again and resumed her caresses. She told Olivia that she loved her and that they would be done soon.

“Only five more strokes with the belt and then we are done for the day. You’re very brave, my Livvy.”

Olivia’s whole body stiffened at the mention of the belt but when the first stroke hit it was not harder than taking the Captain’s belt had been a couple of days ago. Se turned her head to find out what was going on and saw that Alex had doubled the belt with the studs on the inside. So, Olivia was only hit by the relatively smooth inside of the belt. She immediately relaxed again; the next four strokes were harder than the first but still bearable.

Alex once again resumed her caresses and gave her the chance to calm down and relax once more. About five minutes later Alex told Liv that she could get up any time she wanted. Liv let herself slide from Alex’ lap and knelt in front of her. She looked into those deep blue orbs and started to get lost in their depths. But Alex did not let her. She stood up and pulled Liv with her. They went over to the couch in the living room and snuggled and this time it was Olivia who allowed herself to be held. It made her feel loved and cherished in a way she had never felt with anyone else. It gave her a sense of security and belonging she had missed for most of her childhood. Olivia let her head rest against Alex’ shoulder and closed her eyes. Her backside was smarting from the spanking, but that was just as it should be.

After a few minutes she raised her head and said, “Thank you, Mistress for not hitting me too hard with the paddle and for only using the smooth side of the belt. Otherwise it would have been very hard to take.”

“No need to thank me, Livvy. Your transgressions did not warrant the serious application of either the Lexan paddle or the studded belt. I only used them to see how you would react to a sudden, possibly unjust change in plans, but as usual you were a real trooper and made me proud. So, what have you planned for the rest of the evening? Another session in front of the mirror?”

“At the moment all I want to do is sit here and enjoy being with you. And after that I’ll make us something hot to eat. I planned on zucchini and paprika in vegetable fond with Basmati rice. After dinner we can still decide if you are up for another mirror session or if I’ll just tease you without the mirror.”

“Your dinner plans sound good though I do not feel hungry at the moment. Will you make me stand in the corner while you’re cooking?”

“No, sweetie, I see no need for that and not only because I do not want to repeat myself. You have been very good today so far and I know that you brought work from the office you wanted to get done tonight. I want you to start doing that while I prepare dinner. And I would love it if you would change into something more comfortable, and not in the booty call sense of the word, but really comfy while you work.”

“Do you have something specific in mind, Liv?” Alex asked.

Oh, yes, baby-girl. Your birthday suit would be fine, but knowing you, you’ll pretend to feel better in sweatpants and a shirt,”

they continued to banter for a while about their respective clothing preferences, about sensible versus fashionable clothing and ended with speculations about their dresses for the annual Police Charity ball. Olivia lobbied for her dress uniform, but Alex vetoed the idea more vehemently than Liv had expected.

“Detective Benson, the dress uniform is good for funerals and the 9/11 memorial, and you look good in yours, handsome. But for the ball I want you not just to look handsome I want to show off to the whole town how beautiful my partner is. I want you to be the most beautiful woman in the room.”

“Nice plan, but it won’t work, my Lexi as long as you are in the same room there will always be someone more beautiful than I am.”

“You, my Livvy, are biased and thus not to be taken seriously.”

“I’m not the only one thinking that and some of those people are not even lusting after you, Alexandra, and now, I’ll get up and cook and you have some work waiting to be done.”

That said, Olivia extricated herself from the blanket and walked over to the kitchen area. Alex followed her example, albeit reluctantly. Less than half an hour later Liv called Alex to dinner.

Alex was wearing a dark blue terrycloth robe that complimented the color of her eyes. Olivia was a bit surprised that she had not chosen one of the silk robes; it was a sign that for some reason she felt a bit vulnerable tonight. Like the night before Liv took a seat next to her beloved though she would have preferred to eat standing up.

Dinner was mostly silent and right after Alex returned to her work after she had promised to prepare breakfast to make up for not helping with the clean-up of their dinner. Olivia told her that there was no need for that and that she did not mind taking care of the dishes. 

When Alex was done with her work she found Olivia half asleep in front of the TV. Olivia perked up when she saw her beloved coming in. They went to the bedroom, Liv made Alex take off the robe but instead of putting her in front of the mirror she made her lie face first on the bed. She straddled Alex’ thighs and started to give her a thorough back rub; not ignoring her still slightly swollen buttocks and the by now relatively faint marks from the cane. Alex started to squirm under her and was starting to get aroused but Olivia was determined to keep her ministrations as neutral as possible. She knew there would be no sexual release for either of them and she was not in the mood to tease

When Alex’ skin had soaked up all of the massage oil, Olivia climbed under the comforter and told her to sleep well and have sweet dreams; and to Alex’ surprise they both fell asleep quickly.

 

-*-*-*-

 

The next morning Olivia woke Alex up with a passionate kiss. Breakfast was already waiting, Coffee, orange juice, cereals with fruit and orange jam on rye, one of Alex’ favorites.

Alex thanked Liv for having foregone the mirror session the night before. They cleaned up the kitchen together and Alex ordered Liv to get over her lap for her last punishment spanking. She started with her bare hand and finished with a flurry of strokes with the back of a wooden hairbrush.

Olivia tried to count the strokes even after Alex had told her that it was not necessary. The strokes with the hairbrush were so fast that she lost count and missed a few. 

Alex put the hairbrush down but held Liv in place. She gave her the opportunity to relax. She caressed the burning buttocks and started to play with Liv’s clitoris and pussy lips, making her come quickly.

Like the day before they had to hurry to arrive at work on time.

 

THE END


End file.
